Why would God punish or restrict a woman due to her paternal lineage to only allow her to marry a certain group of men, whereas other Muslim women are allowed to marry any Muslim man? How would you gain legal status there? Life is short, don’t waste time with those that won’t match up with your wants and expectations. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know – now? If so, what are their names, sex, and ages? 165. If you are female, do you require the permission to work? What are your expectations of marriage? Is it allowed for a married woman to discuss any details of her sex life with her husband with any female or male friends? Where do you want to live (country)? 46. If your spouse mistreat your family in a situation, how would you handle the situation? No one will watch out for you better than yourself! Marriage Expectations: (11 Questions) 29. 58. In Islam, a man cannot marry two sisters at one time, but this does not mean that the wife's sister becomes maḥram to the husband, nor does it mean that the sister's husband becomes maḥram to the wife's sister. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in the home that I do not understand? 114. If after negotiation, and intervention from family and elders to convince the father, he is still adamant about his refusal, and it is unwarranted, that is when it would be advisable to involve your scholar. Identify at least three. Explain why for all reasons. 25. In my experience, in practice, marriages tend to fit into two models - a "master-slave" model (where one person commands and the other obeys) and a partnership model (where the two work together and discuss things mutually). He must first make his firm decision on what he wishes to do, and whether he wants to marry you or not. During the iddah period, would it be expected (for the husband) to move out, or the wife? 185. 20. 144. Do you believe in abortion in your family? Or only if you travel with them? 125. 67. her real brother , real uncle, real father, father in law, her son and son in law. Does a wife have to obey her husband like she has to obey her parents, or is a marriage more about mutual decisions and understanding? If you, or your spouse fell ill with a chronic illness, condition, or disability, how would you manage supporting the family in such situation? If you wrong someone, how do you apologize? Is there anyone that you don’t have a good relationship with and why? What is the legal agreement for support and residence for them for you, verses their other parent? Do you expect all decisions to be made as a couple, considering the other’s views? I find in general people tend to re-enact the model they saw growing up and to some extent that which is culturally common around them. (Unless it he lives somewhere strict where he couldn't have a girlfriend, which is increasingly rare) I am not advocating having a girlfriend. 35. 22. For instance, some cultures are quite patriarchal, and this is sometimes reflected. Do you like to have guests in your home for entertainment? 70. 133. 137. 2. What are you doing to achieve those goals currently? 72. If so where and how often? As you know, the primary requirements for spouse selection is that the prospect spouse adheres to religious precepts and carries high moral standards. 134. Would the need arise to have a family member live with you if that happened, and whom? How would you expect your future spouse to dress? It would all come down to negotiation and finding ways of making sure the parents are content. With friends? Of course it happens and I am not saying it is your fault personally, as usually it is the fault of society, but I am just saying it is not a healthy situation. 71. What are you doing to try to quit? If your spouse has children from a prior marriage, are you willing to provide financial support to them? She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... , Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. 136. Testimony of Faith (Shahada) - How to Convert to Islam. 11. Similarly, with respect to tafsir, some people take the word "obedient" (qanitat, 4:34) to mean a woman obeying her husband, others take it to mean a woman obeying God. Additional Advice: Have both parties answer these questions in writing, so that you can both rely back to it in the future if one does/says something different. 98. 130. Are you volunteering in any Islamic or other activities? 60. 21. 121. 3. 59. How would you describe your family’s financial status? 86. It is still haram for him to see her without hijab, or look at her with lust, or shake her hand, or be alone with her, and so on. 180. What is the best method of raising children? 131. If you were to divorce, Allah forbid, who would take custody of the children if you have any? Once a person has done something once, they may do it again. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage? Are you willing to have intervention via an Imam, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist if needed? Do you celebrate birthdays of people or the Prophet PBUH? What would happen if you divorced while living abroad? 37. What is your view of the role of a husband? What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates and friends? People know what the other person “wants” to hear, and will give all the nice answers. If she dies, God forbid, or if she is divorced from him, marriage will be then allowed between this man and any of the unmarried sisters of his ex-wife. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future? This is why both men and women must keep our chastity and be as righteous as we can, which means that we save ourselves for our spouse-to-be, and try to observe as much Jihad al-Nafs in avoiding pursuing our lusts until marriage time. If so, how much? 33. What kind of assurance is there that such an individual has not turned into a promiscuous person, or maybe even a womaniser. It is very important for your respected wife to educate herself about the definition and rulings related to maḥram/non-maḥram cases. If you got married, and your spouse’s family needed financial assistance would you be willing to help them if/when the need arises? 90. If not, why? Do you believe in home-schooling your children? Under what pretense? 198. Don’t expect them to answer it if you are not willing to do the same. Is there anyone in your family that lives with you now? If not, why? Do you believe in Islamic schools for your children? How will meals be prepared? 152. What will your relationship with them be like after marriage? We all know that people can be very deceiving to achieve whatever goals they have. What is your view of the role of a wife? 43. What is the expectations or limitations on whom your parents will accept for you to marry? Do you feel like this man is your soulmate and you will be losing out on a big opportunity in life if you pass up on this marriage? 123. 182. Is there any hint that this person might have difficulty with emotional commitment to a relationship? This is a view that all our jurists have. 159. Wish each other the best, and pursue your lives without being worried, as for sure more marriage opportunities will come your way. Do you give permission for your spouse and children to move back to your spouse’s country so that they can be with their families? Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the new future. If you already have children, who do they live with? Her sister's husband is not Mahram at all and must observe full Hijab in front of him like any other non Mahram man. This is an circumstantial case that must be looked at individually. If your family mistreats your spouse in a matter, how would you handle the situation? 87. If so, what kind? However it is worth considering that all of these elaborations on spousal obedience happened after the time of the Prophet and so there is some involvement of the author's cultural views. Are there any family members that are financially dependent on you for support? Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? Do you suffer from any chronic disease, condition, or disability? 191. Her sister's husband is not permanently forbidden to marry her, but only when her sister is his wife. 168. 135. Anyway I hope you can resolve your marital situation soon (or, rather, dissolve it, if that is your intent). Why prostitutes instead of a girlfriend? 76. What would you do if your spouse became lazy in their prayers, or other Islamic obligations? Or do you believe the man makes all the decisions even if the wife disagrees? (That is, if it weren't a concern to you, you wouldn't ask; inside, you already know what you should do but may be second-guessing yourself.). What is your concept of an Islamic marriage? How much time passes before you choose to forgive someone? 126. Do you pray Tarawih during Ramadan? If you are coming from a conservative or cautious religious background (for instance, no dating), it might not be a good match. 127. How will you manage this situation? 167. If you have children, and get divorced, would the husband be allowed to keep custody if he remarried? If you have non-Muslim family members, how do you manage the non-Muslim holidays? Mahram is the person who is permanently forbidden for marriage with her under any circumstance for life e.g. 84. 117. 196. What if the ex doesn’t provide support, what would you do? What is the best method of disciplining children? However I am sure there are others who will give more specific views. 177. If so, by whom? As for the case of her staying at their home, if all other shar'i matters are observed, yes she can. Where? Define mental, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. Anyone can get married in Islam, as long as they meet the correct requirements and obligatory conditions. Where you born and raised as a Muslim, converted to Islam, or do you practice another faith? If someone has wronged you, how do you want them to apologize to you? I have come to feel that this is one way where Islamic teachings are adaptable to a variety of ways of living and aren't wholly specific. 166. What if it is one person, verses a married couple? Or live together? Do you have friends from the opposite sex? 34. 32. 54. 170. 7. What is your concept of an Islamic marriage? 39. How do you interact with non-Muslims during their holidays? Are you vegetarian? 104. 132. 106. 55. I am a … 199. Do you plan to quit? Yes, interaction with the opposite gender at the workplace for example is permitted. 96. How would you describe your personal financial status? After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public? My wife believes that her sister's husband is her Mahram on the basis that the Quran says that a man cannot marry the sister of his wife. Anyway, here are some things you could consider: (While some of the above is inherently critical, I do think it is good he is being honest about it rather than hiding things). Explain why/ why not in detail. 194. What do you expect your relationship to be like with the family of your spouse? 197. How long do you expect to achieve those goals? How do you make important and less important decisions in your life? A woman is in Nikah of a man but separated. Do you feel that both the husband and wife should share in household chores? 184. 28. Originally published on www.ifoundislam.net December 22, 2013, Copyright 2013 www.ifoundislam.net (our partner site), New Muslims: Tips for a Happy Marriage Series - Part 1 of 2, New Muslims: Tips for a Happy Marriage Series - Part 2 of 2, New Muslims (Section with many related articles for New Muslims), Joomla Templates & WordPress Themes - GavickPro, American Muslim – Freedom, Faith, Fear (BBC 3 Part Series), History of Muslims in America - 7 Part Series, Bible Corruption Series: Part 5 – Conflicting Gospels on the Empty Tomb & Ascension to Heaven, Read the Entire Quran in Ramadan - Juz Breakdown, Human Sacrifices & Cannibalism in Hinduism. Will your spouse be obligated to care (physically or financially) for the in-laws if they live with you? If not, why? How much support, and what methods will be provided for the wife and for how long? 56. Under what circumstances? What are the professions of your family members? Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician, before marriage? 148. 164. 17. What is your relationship with your family like? If not, then when? We are so worried and are wondering if there is any way for us to get married? 160. 103. 14. We must always remember if we misuse any authority given to us, we will become oppressors and our punishment will be severe. Can a 43 year old virgin get married if her brothers are consenting to her marriage but their father, being very strict, may not be in agreement? 85. Do they only want you to marry someone someone of the same ethnicity or nationality? What are the names of your parents and siblings? After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally? 52. Does your family know that you are talking to _______________ about marriage? 40.What are your goals in life? As for the istikharah turning out negative, what he can do is pay sadaqah, wait a while, see if circumstances have changed, see if he is decisive about his plans, and then either go ahead with marrying you or not. 69. If the woman genuinely needs advice related to sexual matters, she can speak or ask in a general sense without making it specific to herself. If so, what if your spouse is not? What would you do if your parents do not approve of your choice for a spouse? If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds? 36. If you are a male, are you willing and able to provide the cost of the international visit for your spouse and children to visit their families? If your spouse has children from a previous marriage, and their spouse doesn’t permit their children to move abroad, how would you manage this situation? How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you? How do you feel about the objectification of women involved in paying for services? In regard to discussing private sexual matters with her female friends, this should be avoided. 169. 115. Do you believe that both the husband and wife should help in cooking? If the husband falls on hard times, and needs assistance to support the home, do you feel the wife should help, or should he rely on his family to help? Do you drink alcohol? 30. What are you expecting of your spouse? How were you disciplined as a child? What are your expectations of marriage? 68. And why? What would you consider causes serious enough for a divorce? 101. Do you think there is a chance that you would need to move to another country at any point after marriage? What are the education levels of your family members? The definition of marriage varies around the world not only between cultures and between religions, but also throughout the history of any given culture and religion, evolving to both expand and constrict in who and what is encompassed, but typically it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged or sanctioned. 108. 178. Do you currently own/rent a home? 124. Do you plan to quit? 64. 107. Do you have children now? It's up to you to decide whether you and this person share the same ethical values that would likely lead to a good marriage. Among these requirements are: 1. However, this is general advice, not related to one's lineage. Anything else that would be required legally, or Islamically. Of course, this is why it is so important to get married at a young age. 33. How much Qur’an do you have memorized? 176. 31. 61. (regular music, nasheeds, or both)? What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends? What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
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